I want to thank the board of directors of whatever committee got together and sent me a formal invite to give this commencement speech on the graduating class here at your fine academy this year of 2020.
I don’t know if it’s like the Grammy’s, but the person you give the achievement award to, is not the person most deserving, or even first on the list but a fifth to tenth option that is elected upon after the more deserving and better suited performers politely decline, I did not decline, I accepted and here we are at the end of 2020 and you’re getting a speech from a person who was so smart, she went to an “online school”, in person. (It was accredited!)
I completed all the credits to receive a bachelor’s degree in business management, but disputed a random administrative fee which placed a hold on my graduation ceremony and certificate and now, $150 and sixteen years later, my background report makes me sound like a liar and idiot to potential employers.
Regardless, my initial desire for course of study was to attend the Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poets. My parents, in all their infinite wisdom, refused to fund that pipe dream. At the age of eighteen with typing skills and a flare for drama, a love of the English language and respect for law, or at least the idea of it - these attributes I felt were perfect for an entry level secretarial position. After my first employer took Eliza to the ball, so to speak, it turned out I was a marketing genius, gifted with legal language and research as well as persuasive. I found found my niche in the corporate world among leaders in industries and pioneers of technology, home building, travel and financing.
I’m not your alumni. I’m sure you have guessed that much, I am a well known poet who didn’t publish herself! Johnny Depp knows my name and has read my poetry. Joan Jett owns an Ode I wrote to her years ago and Kenny Rogers liked my story “Ruby” on Twitter when I published it.
I’m likely a lot older than you and my youth and experiences were very different and I don’t mean to sound like everyone else 20 years your senior, but there was a reason we partied like it was 1999 and that 2020 isn’t a highly regarded year among the world over. In my day, at this point in my life, we were close enough to the 1960s to believe in civil disobedience and near enough to the 1970s/80s crack epidemic to keep us from ruining the rest of our lives. My first job was a hemp stand, getting signatures for petitions to legalize the use of hemp/marijuana with Jack Herrer, the top shelf shit you buy at the dispensary was my first boss and he hated me, told me to read his book and educate myself. This was a theme in my early youth - so, I did and having respect for context, an open mind and common sense have served me fairly well.
On January 6th, 2020 - I knew what I was doing with my life. I finally knew what I wanted. I was going all in. By March 13th, I made a move to Kansas City, my happy place in my brand new Jeep Renegade. By August, I crashed the car an totaled it out - with just under the full amount of the loan owed. I have medical bills in excess of $5000. I am unemployed and because I have triangulated between Washington, California and Kansas the last few years my unemployment has been held up by various state adjudication processes and a pandemic, I haven’t had income in over nine weeks.
At the early part of last year, I was working for a medical company just when the scientists who researched imaging and medical miracles started to whisper. Embassy planes were landing in airfare bases to detain possible contagions. I read articles that were written for scholarly research through our vast medical database that showed strains similar to SARS - except this one promised constant mutation, nearly impossible to vaccinate or cure, and was only going to get more contagious. By the end fo January, we had an influx of expatriates from China and Japan signed on with new names as consultants. They said that it was worse than they could have imagined and our sales reps became paranoid and irritable, refusing to come into work, which was then banned in Irvine. Aside from Godzilla or Suicidal Tendencies, I’ve never seen asian people act so hysterical. Shit was about to hit the fan.
But, I had my mind set, for the first time, on what I wanted. I took a leisurely trip to New York and hung out at the Plaza Hotel sipping Champagne and buying clothes, attending the closing of Barney’s and contemplating museum outings. I could not have imagined a few weeks later that New York, as I had just witnessed it in all its winter glory, would never be the same to me again.
By March, I was unemployed and breaking my lease to move to Kansas City and pursue that goal with my whole heart. Come rain or come shine. I won’t lie, it’s rained a lot.
I’ve early given up a million times. I’ve resigned myself at times. I’ve gathered my wits, folded my shame into halves and started over and will keep doing so. I’ll impart come wisdom here for you younger kids, teens and young adults - anyone under 35.
Relationship advice: Do not bounce from relationship to relationship - and if you want a meaningful life, find someone that you can tolerate and grow with - no love is forever passionate, real shit happens. Ebbs, flows, etc. Don’t assume you’re settling. If you have experiences with different people at different phases in your life - it makes it harder when you are older to truly bond and commit to a life with someone - you’ve been heartbroken before, you can do it again, you think that this isn’t worth it or you deserve better - maybe you do, maybe not, but to attach and stay attached just isn’t as easy.
Family Values: And here’s another tidbit, have kids. If you want to. You need family when you get older, your friends come and go and change and family is all that people really have and value it. Accept everyone for who / what they are and don’t make them jump through hoops they can’t bother to set on fire. It’s not worth the angst. Build relationships that matter, this pandemic has put us back to basics - our immediate family and nature.
Mindfulness: Also, take joy in the little things. I can’t tell you how lonely I have been in the last few months because I didn’t even know it until I got a job as a waitress for a diner with a regular clientele of senior citizens with varying personalities and service expectations - but I do my best to make their meal a quality experience. Don’t be that asshole who “gets the money while you still can…”. Don’t make yourself more important than the people you are serving. How can you make their experience enjoyable? We have so little that we can safely do without worrying about our health - why not make what we can in every small way better for one another? Leave your personal problems at home. Be presentable, be personable, be professional.
Whatever degree you received from this fine academy, only illustrates an ability to adhere to a system and make the finish line. We’re not MIT students, no one here is going to have a disease named after them or not even likely a temporary library or Hall anywhere…, or write the prolific code that enables people to disengage from instant messages to swiping left or right or will put an end to the gaming youtubers draining our minds through watching them play video games. You’re going to try to do what you love. You will find out what that is. You may not even make it that far - you might hate your job or you might not even get one or you may get married or die tomorrow - and who cares?
Keep it simple: Be good people.
Challenge Yourself: Do something uncomfortable every day. Don’t be so stoned that you are slowing the world down - I didn’t petition and work for pot wages in the 1990s so you could fuck it all up. Wise up. If you’re in the spectrum, listen to other people’s interests and make sure you share with people - people like to share. If you are counting with Trump on his triumphs and failures and think that this pandemic is some conspiracy based curse - there’s no hidden agenda. If you bid on Biden to bring a “new hope” and empathize with the people toward a brighter future, that’s awesome too-and-don’t hang your hat on others to do what you can do for yourself.
Reflect: In February, a very good friend of mine died. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple years, but he’d been a pillar in my life. For years, a go to friend, someone who called me just to check in and see how I was. Mike was one of the staples in my life. He called me once from rehab to tell me I’d made “legend status”. The story went that one of the other patient’s had on a t-shirt designed by my idea and a company called VillenCorp. The shirt said “Got Drunk?” Like the milk ads or marijuana spin offs. Mike said “I know the guys who made that shirt.” The patient replied “they’re the reason I’m in here…” gleefully. I remembered exactly who the guy was. I knew we’d done him no favors by letting the IT geek at work come hang out in a realm he couldn’t handle, but he held no ill will, even after losing his job and going to rehab for a cocaine addiction. We’d already forgotten his name, but he made ours legend. Mike imparted ample wisdom and enriched my life for the time he took to give it to me straight. I can’t explain why it has impacted me so deeply but acknowledge your true friends, make a difference, pick up the phone, send a card, message and let them know you care.
Live: I have no regrets, I’m sure if he was alive, we could pick up the phone or hang out and it would be like no time was lost, but, not having him in my balcony audience to heckle me, or to enlighten me has made the world dimmer - and that makes me sad. Make the world around you bright people. 2021 isn’t going to be the new generation epic pandemic overweigh and yay.
Stay Positive: Tonight, on the television, the countdown in NYC was depressing. “I hated 2020, 2020 sucks, 2020 worst year ever…”.
No, it wasn’t.
It should have been a year that brought us back to basics, values, nature, each other, to reflect and to find peace within ourselves.
It was a time to fail. It was a time to rum ourselves into the ground and fear not. Or to allow fear to conquer the best of us and bring out the worst in us so we could expel those demons once and for all but it was not the worst year. It was historical. It was challenging. It is uprising. It is movements, it is change, it is calibrating us to be better, stronger and encouraged us to unite where we could and how we could. I’m not going to go to a soup kitchen and pat myself on the back for helping the homeless at the Holidays. I don’t like seeing other suffer or feel grounded by such experiences, but I do know that I have found more empathy, patience, and consolation with people-I make time where simply, I didn’t have time for such simple things and courteous chit chat in a. Grocery line, or being extra kind to someone in passing - it makes a difference. It has to me in my times of sorrow this year.
The Shallow end of the Pool:
Top songs of my year “The Suburbs by Arcade Fire - because who can’t love a song that says “get your mother’s keys were leaving…”
“Rabbit by Mike Snow” I don’t want to be like everybody else.
Phantogram “When I’m small…”
Beowulf “Cruisin” - tribute to Mike and the good times we had running amuck in the STS caddy,
"It' ain't easy" Muddy Magnolias.
"Que Sera" by Wax Tailor.
Apps - none, maybe kindle.
Books - I haven’t read anything that blew my mind this year. But I suggest we should all read, a lot, and not just what we are interested in only - but to stretch our minds to read rhetoric, opposite opinions, biographies, non-fiction, self help., humor.
In closing,
Find a hero. Be a mentor.
Be kind.
Keep trying. Don’t be out for just “number one” you - be present, be accountable.
At the close of this year, joining a gym seems stupid, meditating is inevitable with staying at home orders, spending less or going out less - not an issue.
We don’t need a laundry list of resolutions -we need to wake up and be the person we want to be. “As simple as it is, is as simple as it ought to be…”
(Microphone makes noise).
I’ve just been told, this isn’t a graduation ceremony for 2020. It’s an AA / NA meeting. (No one likes it when the meetings are mixed, the drunks think they’re better than the addicts and the addicts drag the room down depending on the drug of choice…).
I thought I was giving a commencement speech.
Hi, my name is Lola.
(Room says hi back)
Sorry, I also have been told it wasn’t my night to use the podium.
Okay, well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m going to pass the collection basket, who is putting the chairs away?
Yes, everyone needs a "job."
Hey, who’s going with me to Trejo’s Super Bowl party?
🤓🤔
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