Don't Bother Trying to Find Her

(excerpt from book "She's Not There")

                Sarah was fairly sure that Diablo was not going to call or trespass this evening as he’d been on a drinking binge for the last week avoiding his own apartment in fear of Mark harassing him.  She walked from her apartment to the Lost & Found and quickly drank a couple of jack n cokes.  On her way toward the back door she saw Smythe.

                “What are you doing here?”  He asked and eyed her suspiciously.  She didn’t drink without Diablo anymore and really didn’t go out of the house as far as he knew, it was strange to see her at twilight.

                “Having a drink too many.”   She let herself in the passenger seat and closed the door.  “Seems pretty stupid to ask you to drive me to the corner, but why not?”  She put on her seat belt and Smythe drove down the alley toward her apartment.

                “You okay Sarah?”

                “Not at all.  Not at all.”  She shook her head.  She was definitely drunk.   It was starting to catch up with her.  Her eyes held a hollow stare encased by the dark shadows circled like half moons beneath her pretty green eyes.  She looked like she needed a good night’s rest and three squares for a few days. 

 

                “Sarah, I gotta do some runs but I think I should come back and chat with you.”  He slid a small sack of speed to her.  She put it in her pocket.  Absentmindedly she kissed his lips and he moved his head back to stare at her.  Sarah had never hit on him, maybe flirted ten years ago, but not kissed him.  

                “I want to say that wasn’t nice, but it was.”  He kissed her on the mouth and she began to regain herself and backed off, closing the door.  “Sarah, I’ll be back in an hour or so, just gotta run down to Inglewood.”

                “Sounds fine.”  She slowly walked to the back gate and let herself in.   He probably wants to fuck me, she thought.  She debated it, in a drunken state, why not?  Who cared anymore?  But she didn’t want to be one of those women that she so detested, then again, hadn’t his wife looked her straight in the face and lied, covering up for Diablo and Leann?   She climbed up the stairs and let herself into the apartment.  Still contemplating fucking Smythe, she put on a nightgown and lay down on the bed, then she passed out.

+++

                The door was unlocked, Smythe rang the bell and knocked but Sarah didn’t answer.  So he opened the door and walked in, he didn’t see her in the living room.  He decided to wash his hands and as he was walking toward the bathroom, he saw her asleep on the bed.  So much for getting her in the mood to talk, she must not have done the package he gave her.  He stood in her doorway and perved on her for a moment and then interrupted his thoughts to wake her.

                “Sarah, wake up.”  She lifted her face giving him vague recognition, lifting herself in a push up stance, she realized he was really there and she was awake once again.  She stood up with a wash of knowledge that she was in a nighty.  Oh God, why didn’t I just say come fuck me?  Too late to turn back now, she walked toward him and smiled, head tilted downward, just enough shame to keep her feet moving.  He held his hand out to her and embraced her for a long moment, feeling so sorry for the girl who use to be so much fun, a classic wit, sought after and beyond reach, she was falling apart at the seams and he knew her days would be numbered.  He brushed her hair out of her face and whispered in her ear.  “Get some clothes on, I’m gonna give you a bump.  Okay?”

                “Okay.”  She couldn’t have felt more shame.  He walked into the living room and she closed the bedroom door, throwing on jeans and a sweatshirt.

                “You mind if I smoke?”  He asked.  She laughed, every ashtray in the living room was full to the brim.  She grabbed the nearest to her and dumped it in the kitchen trash setting it down beside him on the sofa, taking the seat at the other end, pulling her knees up to her chest.

                “So, you know, I can’t help but get curious, Sarah.  I know that you and Diablo have had your differences and this whole shit with Leann must be making you crazy, and remember, you wouldn’t listen to me, I tried to tell you.   I can’t decide if I am glad Diablo got ripped off or if I want to help him out and take a cut for a finder’s fee.  No one else earned that money, it’s rightfully his.  Then again, he told everyone I was crazy and made them doubt my sobriety, making my wife and I fight over hiding his stupid bitch over all the time.  But, I am one to do the right thing.”  He ashed his cigarette, reached behind him and handed Sarah a CD with a line and rolled up hundred dollar bill.  She thanked him and did her line.  

                “I mean, if someone ripped me off Sarah, for the amount of money I think that was stolen at Diablo’s, I’d cut someone.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he does.  And, I’ve got it somewhat figured out but I keep tripping up on a few details.  Like, the other day, for instance, Elijah came over in a new car, mid-90s Mustang.  He’s always haggling something or borrowing someone’s car, so I didn’t think too much of it.  But when he handed me over five hundred dollars to score dope, I had to ask him, ‘where’d you get the money?’ – and you know what he said ‘it’s not mine.’ Well, of course it wasn’t, I thought to myself, when does Elijah ever have money, but what I hadn’t realized was that it was Diablo’s money.  Isn’t that a kicker?”  He put his cigarette out and went into the kitchen.

                “So, then he gets on the phone, talking to who I thought had the money in the first place and I think, ‘that looks just like Diablo’s spare phone’, but it can’t be.  You know which one I’m talking about, the one you looked through and saw the nude photos of other girls.  Wasn’t that chick in cling wrap?  Ever figure out what that was about?”  

                Sarah waved her hand and lit a cigarette.

                “Anyway, Elijah stuck around for a while and went to use my bathroom.  I took a walk down the alley while he was getting gowed out and stopped in Diablo’s.  His house is a mess, he says he’s moving.  I ask him why but you know how he is about letting people know his business, so he wasn’t too talkative and if you ask me, I’ve never seen a man angrier.  It was like someone had killed his best dog.  He tells me that while you two were in Laughlin his house got ripped off.  Do you know how much money was there?”

                “Not really.  I know he’s been steadily dropping off money to his sister and hadn’t remembered to for a couple of months and he was pissed about that, I’d guess anywhere between $20,000 to $150,000 could have been there.”

                “Yeah, he wouldn’t  tell me.  Probably hurt his ego too much.  So, he said he thought Mark did it at first, but the fingerprints on the tile from where someone climbed in are female.   Anyway, I told Diablo if I found out anything, I’d tell him.  And I probably would.  It’s against what we stand for to start stealing and ratting people out.  You don’t call the cops when someone fights, you don’t rat on your friends, you know, right Sarah?  Anyway, here’s the kicker, I went back to the apartment and Elijah’s laughing.  Just laughing.  I ask him what’s going on and he tells me that him, some other guy who drove and this chick Tritessa ripped off Diablo’s house.  He said he burned that bitch for her share – and I wasn’t sure who she was.  Like was it his girlfriend he was mumbling about?  Or, Tritessa?  It wasn’t clear to me.  Then, he said the strangest thing.  He said that Waverly was the mastermind.”  He lit another cigarette and watched Sarah like a seasoned poker player.

                “What do you think of that Sarah?  And I’m not sure I want to know.  You see, if I was Diablo, and you masterminded that shit, I’d kill you.  If Sally tried to take my money; I’d beat her until she couldn’t even think of spending a nickel.   You know what I mean?  Oh here,”  he crushed more speed onto the CD.  Sarah accepted the CD and did another line, he could see her sober up now.  

                “I also think, whoever did that, not such a good idea, his family runs deep.  Yeah, they aren’t gangsters but they are mean Japanese fuckers.  You don’t know what they will do for one another.”  He shook his head.  “I mean, one time someone messed with his baby cousin, I can just say that he has long since vanished. They aren’t the type to forget and those Japs can patiently wait to strike.   They are connected from here to the middle of Mexico, I know because you know, I was a fugitive down there for two years and used many of their families homes to stay in.”  He continued to eagle eye Sarah and she listened without movement.  He was impressed with her lack of response.

                “Even if you had nothing to do with it, and I’d like to think you didn’t.  I’d like to think that Elijah is all fucked up and doesn’t know what he is saying, but you need to be careful.”  He looked toward the corner of the room where she had a shoe box and new pair of shoes leaned against it.  “You don’t want to buy anything new right now, go out too much, or talk on the phone with anyone that he could trace, he use to be a detective remember, he’s got your records right now and he swears you’ve been talking to someone else.”   He went to the kitchen and refilled a glass of water he’d left on the counter.  “I wouldn’t leave any money lying around, put any in the bank, anything.”  He paused waiting for Sarah to deny his subtle accusation but she said nothing.

                “So, that other day when Elijah came by and said that he’d ripped off Diablo, I went down to his car and picked up that phone.  It was definitely Diablo’s.  New number, all the old contacts and those pictures in it, so there was no denying he’d stolen it.  I gave it back to Diablo.  I didn’t know that your number would come up on it, Diablo thought it was pretty interesting that you got a call that Saturday night around 1am, right after the break-in occurred.  Makes you look pretty guilty too, being as Elijah is finger pointing to you.”

                She stared long and hard at Smythe.  “He’s too cheap to pay you to scare me.  He’s been here every other day asking me how much I got, where was my take and he’s told me a dozen times over, he deserved it and can’t believe I could do that to him.  The problem is, I didn’t do it.  I was with him.  I didn’t know who it was until you just said that Elijah told you it was him and we all know that between Leann, Mark and who knows who else, he was a target anyway. The only mistake I made was telling Elijah we were going out of town.  Last I knew that wasn’t a crime.”  

                “Well, you know I’m going to tell him that.  It’s not anything against you but he’s my boy and I can’t just let him think that you masterminded the whole rip-off.  I’ll be sure to let him know I didn’t see anything suspicious in your apartment or tell-tale signs.  But, I’d be careful answering my phone lines.  I’d watch my back on the street, you never know when he’ll turn up or one of his cousins.  You don’t want to be mixed up in this Sarah, you really don’t.”  He cautioned, lit a cigarette and smiled.  “NO idea who that fifth person was that Elijah says he burned?”

                “Nope, must have been referring to his girlfriend, Mary.”  

                “No one can find him now.  He was all over town.  Spending money like a drunken sailor.  New Mustang.  Then he decided he needed a new motorcycle, would you believe he crashed that within 24 hours of its purchase?  He bought Mary a truck.  He wasn’t even discreet about it.  That must really piss Diablo off.  You haven’t heard from him have you?”

                “Nope, tried to call him on the cell number he gave me and it doesn’t work.”

                “Yeah, that came up on the phone too before it was turned off by the way.”

                “Diablo asked me to call him, I did.”

                “It’s almost like no one takes this game seriously anymore.  You don’t steal a man’s wages. You don’t flaunt it all over town like a tattoo saying fuck you on your forehead.  There are golden rules we all abide by and this just changes everything.  I hope Elijah gets out of town.  If you know where he is, tell me, I want to help him, I’ll take whatever is left of the money and give it to Diablo myself to stop this manhunt.  Someone is going to get hurt.  I mean, how else do you handle a situation like this?  Like I said, I’d cut the person if that happened.”

                “Yeah, well, I don't think there's anyone who would deny he had it coming.  Fucking his best friend's wife.  Beating, kidnapping, stalking his girlfriend while he cheated.  Keeping the profit from his dead partner's family who needed it, so that he could re-up and profit ridiculously?  Betraying his cousin on every level possible.  I don't think any of you feel that bad.  I think you might even be glad that fucker got some of his own back.  He should have stayed a bookie.  Maybe it was just his turn, last I knew there were some golden rules he broke too.”  

                “You can’t stop a whore from being who she is Sarah.  You can’t play victim and then stay with the person, I’m not saying what he’s done to you is right, it’s not, you never deserved it and we all tried to save you, but you chose your path too.  And Elijah betrayed himself when he got strung out.   What happened to Chris' money was between him and Diablo, we'll never have an answer there, just our opinions.  And hell, we both know, he was the worst bookie on the westside, couldn't keep track of the spread, the bet, not shit because by half-time he was too drunk to remember.  You're not thinking straight kid.  Karma makes full circles.”

                “It does.”  She agreed.

                “I’ve got to go Sarah.  I’ll come by and chat with you every couple days or so and check in on you if that’s okay.”

                “I’d appreciate that.”

                “Be safe kid.”  He gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek.  “By the way, I’ll never tell Sally you hit on me, she’d kill you.  And she respected you, even when she knew she wasn’t worthy of your friendship.  She said you weren’t like anyone else because you were always true.  I use to tell her she should be more like you.”

                “Thanks for the sucker punch.”  She smiled. Smythe walked down the walk-way to the stairs, turned back and waved. She shut the door.